Love is

Starting a blog is never easy, it creeps up on you. One minute you’re watching a movie, the next, you pulled out your laptop and started typing. I am in Montreal, Canada, sitting on a friends couch, looking out at the lights shining in the city, building after building, in a high-rise apartment, not my cuppa tea, I would prefer the outback or a lighthouse on the beach.

So, love, what is it? For me after being married 34 years, as I reflect on what I experienced... feeling safe, going to bed every night knowing that tomorrow was going to be okay. That someone had my back, even when they did not always tell me.  But where did it start. What changes from feeling all lovey dovey to living 34 years with the same person.

It all started when we had the biggest fight we would ever have, 5 years into our marriage. Like probably most, I am assuming, things need to be dealt with, luggage, from previous relationships, your family compared to theirs, whatever it is, whenever it shows up, we have choices to make, to move forward or out.

During this time in our marriage we had moved, to a quiet country town, not far from my hometown, looking to start a family.  Things were exciting and God had introduced us to the Holy Spirit. Wow, God speaks to us, reveals secrets to us, and the gifts are for today. But my husband and I had other things on our minds. Our past. God was not about to let us move on, without forgiveness for the choices we made before we were married.

I remember vividly as though it was yesterday, walking home from church one night, late, debating with God (yes, we are allowed to debate with God) about my future with my husband. Knowing that it was not fair that my past was going to affect my future (dah, it will catch up with you, you can run… but there are consequences). The dry crushed rock under my feet and the stillness of the night, allowed my mind to wonder. Wonder what I was going to do, walk out, or stay. I never dreamed of ever leaving my marriage, it was non-negotiable (even though I was not a Christian when I got married). After what seemed to be forever, crying and lost in my emotions, God dropped a scripture into my mind. 

1 Cor 13 Love is…

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered,

it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil

but rejoices with the truth. 

It always protects,

always trusts,

always hopes,

always perseveres.

The impact this scripture had on my life during a tough season in our marriage was huge. Why, I had a revelation that I could do this, a foundation on which I could wrap my mind around … I could choose to be kind, patient  and not be easily angered (well at least try).

Love. A scripture that put to rest all those “feelings” of love that were being challenged during this tough season of our past, to knowing that God has given us an ability within through the Holy Spirit to live from a position of love, with our heart, mind and soul, to give love to others.

Let us get back to my story, in short, my final declaration that night to God was, you chose my husband, so now I choose him too, from now on... nothing will separate us.  I chose to move forward. I am not going to back out. The enemy must have been listening in, lurking in the dark, waiting for what? My declaration that I love Peter. I remember yelling it out into the night air, freedom came, I forgave him and myself.

When I arrived home emotionally exhausted from my walk back from church, I was taken aback when my husband came into the room. His face was white, it was eerie white, “what happened”, I asked. He said, “there was a black car on the wrong side of the road, and the lights out, it swerved and disappeared”. You could only imagine the shock on my face, knowing that it probably corresponded at the same time as me declaring “I am staying”, “I choose my husband” and “I love you Peter”.

I then shared my part of the story, and to this day, it was the key that unlocked a marriage. Tears of forgiveness flowed, and healing was on its way.  Although my husband has since passed, the strength of that commitment was the anchor on my part of our 34 years of  marriage.

Please do not hear me say, nothing ever went wrong again, or that my marriage was easy, or things were always great, no they were not, but that scripture held firm in my heart when it mattered. Love. Let me reiterate, not always a “feeling”, but a choice, it gave me a foundation that I could stand on during tough times.

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How does the love in our marriages, extend to those around you? As God gave us a community in which to live, with this commandment, “love God, love your neighbour as yourself”.  For me, we have taken love too lightly these days, on social media, we love when a cat does something silly or when a stranger bakes a cake that looks good. None of this is love, “like” yes, “love” no.  We have devalued the true meaning of love. We need to get back to what real love is.

We need to learn how to love ourselves again, talk with our neighbours and know that God loves us no matter what, He will see us through. “How?”, You might ask, great question. So many books, oh and especially scriptures to help you untangle love. Way too many to mention here, but in case you need them:

“Put on love” Col 3:14 – Daily recognising that it is God’s love, in His strength

"God’s love never runs out” Eph 3:2 – my motto is love expands

Love, is the very nature of God  1 John 4:16

His Love is the same yesterday, today & tomorrow

Matthew, Mark and Luke “Love the Lord your God, with all your heart, soul and mind”  

Great books, there are a couple I read to the end “Keep Your Love On”, by Danny Silk, “Culture of Honour”, also by Danny Silk and “5 love languages”, by Gary Chapman that write about love, from loving yourself first, to love others. You can outwork this love in your sphere of influence, your neighbourhood and your family, using 1 Cor 13 or some of the 5 love languages Gary;  Spend quality time, give them a gift, tell them they are doing great (there is always something positive to say, even if they start their mower at 7am), touch, now that might be difficult, but between two consenting adults, a hug never goes astray (heed the tap out), and even mow their lawn, fix a fence together. But I hear you saying, “You do not know my neighbour”, no I do not, but you do.. Try it, build trust again. The enemy loves that we do not know our neighbours, how can we lead them to Christ, if we do not first show it.

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You know there is nothing we can do that will separate us from God, His love does not waiver like ours, imagine, He knows all about us, and still loves us, in fact He sent His son to die for us while we were still sinners. Imagine, nope I cannot, but He did. He cannot do any more for us, He cannot love us any more than He already does. So what are we still waiting for …. what excuses do we still have, to love others, as ourselves. To love ourselves as God loves us, to love God as He loves us, which every combination you can think of love needs to be the centre.  We are out of excuses, we need to stand out in this world, we have something that is unique. Holy Spirit, a source of endless resources to see us through our lives, to live abundantly and without fear.

Let us claim back what the enemy has stolen from us, using love in all the wrong places. I will not apologise for only liking your posts, although if it is a family post, a heart showing I love it will be my response. However, for those who need to know, my love language is quality time. But my friends already know that I go out of my way, even to Montreal to spend time with them. It means a lot to me, I am learning all over again, to love those who are my neighbours. To show patience and kindness, I know I still mess up, but I will not give up. Love conquers all and to all LOVE.

Love is not about us; it is about us yielding to the one who loved us first. We do not have the capacity to love, without first accepting His love for us. He has equipped us with the Holy Spirit, who is in constant communion with God, our spirit yields to our creator for wisdom. Slow down and ask, “What can I do for the one? I am not sure I know how, but with you, Lord, I can”.

We can make a difference, in our world, in our marriages, our family, our neighbourhoods, our sphere of influence and with those lives we touch. Love conquers all.