EMPTY - NOT YET!

Being uniquely unique..

The boys come together and celebrate being family

LIVING THEIR DREAMS

This image is very special to me. My boys were just being boys. From memory this was not a special day or event. It just happened. Sitting here contemplating what to share with you comes from this image and this moment in time, as I reflect on the changes about to take place.. GIRLS or should I say WOMEN, even WIVES, invading our family.

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Reality

(I know there is one extra, he was part of our lives for nearly 4 years)

What you saw

As Peter (deceased) and I raised our 4 sons to be different, we were intentional that they embrace life and all that it has for them. We created “The Wood Pile” - coined by us over 10 years ago, our Facebook page holds many crazy family memories. Soon, a new family will emerge, Wood Splinters?   The family as I once knew, is coming to an end..

My heart as I write this blog is for you... To take a moment, reflect and understand that our families are not the same; as the one down the road, or the one we inspire to be, the ones that look like they have it all together. They are different and you are different, it's important to celebrate these differences in our family.

We all started out together doing the same things, it was a cost effective way to raise our 4 children under 5. It started by piling up 4 boys (2 years apart) off to the same event - to play in the same footy team, tennis, little athletic team and swimming (a must on the coast) this season created a sense of doing it for the team.. coming together regardless of how we felt individually that we can try new things and do things we don't like. It built into our family resilience to support one another when it was obvious that our skill sets are very different.

After many years of 'doing it for team Wood', it became clearer and clearer that I needed to support the individual strengths of my children. It was a time that split my heart as the family I once knew, was about to significantly change.

As my children took on different interests, jobs and friendship groups, I could not keep up, attend or partake in all their activiites. I am sure they did not mind mom being out of the picture and cramping their style. As they moved into their independent stage, which usually meant they were driving themselves and travelling further afield. It was during that season, I was becoming less and less needed. I did not like that it happened slowly, creeping up on me, until 'bam' it is nearly here. During this time, I missed some key events of my younger children in pursuit of my eldest’s endeavours, mountain bike racing. My husband then took a more active role in taking the youngest to the Pet Shop to discover Axolotls (creepy lizards) and EGames.

To my surprise this season was shorter than I thought. As they rallied together as teenagers (and young adults), regrouping to play indoor sport. The youngest, however is my esports kid and prefers to stay well away. Work, girlfriends and new-found activities added a whole new dimension to the family I once knew. Change happens regardless of you trying to keep things the same (glad I embrace change), change happens by choice and to you, either or, it is coming your way. Your family will change, and you can embrace it, or fight it.

I am in for the ride

I am going to embrace every sharp corner that comes my way

I am not missing out on anything

God has a plan for my family and I am in it for the long haul.

I think the most amazing thing happening in my family around this time as young adults was 'boys night in'.. They met secretly in the bedroom, at some crazy hour, they talked and talked, oh and ate and ate. I still to this day do not know what went on, but they seem to be spurring one another on. Even the neighbour gets a look in, if he is in town and if a young man is in the house, they got to join in as well to ‘secret boys business’. The fruit from this fellowship is evident in their daily interactions. So as mom, 'stay out of it', trust, watch and leave them to be boys... oh and I did get caught once trying to spy, I am a mom after all.

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"To control our kids is a fallacy. To love our kids is freedom"

Suzie Wood

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Here we come, we're ready to tackle the world

Here we come, we're ready to tackle the world. Letting go and trusting all the hard work you've done in the past, will come to pass. As I watch each of them face their own struggles throughout life, I am excited to see them reaching out to those around them to sow into their lives. We cannot be everything to our kids, trust a great mentor and encourage them to be part of your kids life... serving, sport, music etc and let them take ownership of their decisions... For example; Falling off their mountain bike on a really horrid track, you would rather them ride the safe beginners trail forever.. but they do not learn staying on the BEGINNERS TRAIL...

One of the less dangerous falls..

My life as I know it, is about to change, it will include only me, with Peter gone.

To my sons, I will watch from the side lines as you journey into your next adventures, into a family to call your own. My job now is to release you, as you leave home, but right now, it feels like you are all going at once. Arghh but wait, what I gain, far outweighs what I will lose, daughters- in-laws, soon to be welcomed. I know you will be in safe hands, the women who will call you their own.

I surrender my role as

carer,

cook,

dishwasher,

laundromat,

cleaner...

But NEVER mom

I'll hold you in my heart forever. Come home for tea anytime, and bring your new family with you.

My family from the outside has it pretty ‘together’ and right now it is how I feel as a mom of 4 boys, all about to leave home to create their own family's. Excited to expand, even though life as an empty nester is fast approaching. It is taking a lot of stepping aside, putting aside unrealistic expectations on my children and letting them grow in their own uniqueness. Soon to be their own family, who will do life together, all in. Messy, sad, happy and even emotions we cannot name.

As you read this, know the world would not be the same without you, your family and what it brings to those around you. BRING it on, be fully you as a family. We are in this together. Each family grows, as each family shares its different experiences.

Our capacity to love only increases, as I welcome my future daughter-in-laws into my life and they me, into theirs. Let's love large, embracing all the new and old together lifting one another up.

Cheers from my family to yours, uniquely designed by God.