Sharing openly the ups, downs and in-betweens of my “journey to my dream” has given me opportunities to be vulnerable, open about my emotions and has enabled me to process the ‘not there yet’ moments.
Once again, I find myself in the morning sunshine, sitting high at the table overlooking our yard. I am contemplating the disappointment of turning down, saying no and letting go of a property to purchase. This property embodied my dream, a place to retreat. To give people time out for reflection, restoration and be released to explore their passions in a secluded rural setting, among the mountains and valleys.
The physical obstacles of finance and location are hard to break through, but the emotional pain cannot be brushed aside either. Grieving the not yet, frustrated with the barriers that I personally cannot break through and the, ‘but you do not understand me’ moments all crowd in your head. We often know the answers, build a team, try another way around, get help and this too will pass, but we cannot overlook or rush the emotional journey to the end.
I am blessed to know a God, who is on this journey with me, guiding me through the highs, lows and in-between moments. I know he revealed to me clearly, I am taking your tears to fill the valley of disappointment, to show you a new way to conquer the valley. Swim. It is a new perspective on how to cross over, in reflecting a bridge would have been nice, walking all the way down seemed way too long and even a boat would have enabled me to cross quicker. But no, it was swim, this still requires something of me. I need to move forward, I have a choice to make, sink, float or swim. My tenacity to pioneer by exploring new possibilities and change my perspective empowers me to keep going, even though I am hard pressed on every side, I am not crushed, I may be perplexed by not in despair, I may be persecuted, but not abandoned, struck down, I am not destroyed. My paraphrase of 2 Corinthians 4:8.
My perspective of what is going on around me is only one viewpoint, a biased viewpoint that draws only on my experiences and knowledge. What makes my view the right one, nothing really, except it represents to me an answer to the emotions I am feeling, it does not make it the absolute truth. If I stayed here, crossing a valley would seem like an impossibility, a place that I could only sink to the bottom, but when I seek another’s perspective, things change, the day seems brighter, hope arises and I push through to the other side. I am given new eyes, to envisage new opportunities and the roller coaster of ups, downs and in-betweens of the journey are moving again, not stationary and hopeless. I am empowered to move beyond the now and refocus on the fulfillment of my dream ahead.
Chinese Proverb "Do not be afraid of going slowly, be afraid only of standing still.
I know my friends out there are experiencing far more heartbreak than I am right now. Their journey has reached rock bottom, has disappeared from their mind, has destroyed trust, destroyed hope that leaves them feeling that there does not seem to be any way forward. The hurt and the pain they feel, far surpasses the idea of ever fulfilling your dream. Why am I going here, to fulfill our dreams and move through the valleys, we may need to forgive. For me it is my husband, every time we get close, he says no, but if I stay there and do not forgive him, I cannot move into the next opportunity, because I will be stuck and I do not like the feeling of being stuck.
But there is an answer, there is hope, one I hope you will forgive me for not pointing you to earlier or when I am there with you in person. Forgiveness through Jesus. We cannot change what has happened to us, but we can change how we respond and process what has happened to us.
Psychologists, books etc all have the how, but they do not offer the who. The power of forgiveness breaks through our heart and opens the door to healing. His name is Jesus, He will take your heart and make it new once more.
A dear friend of mine has walked out the journey of forgiveness, she was abused by her father and then watched on as the circle continued and her husband abused her children. I would encourage you to reach out to those who have successfully walked through the journey of darkness and pain to see life through different eyes, without the pain. Her life is full, radiates the goodness of His forgiveness, although she will share with you. It has been a journey, but there is now hope.
Forgiveness is NOT acknowledging what the person did was okay, it is NOT forgetting the hurt they caused, it does not always require restoration. Forgiveness “ Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness. (www.greatergood.berkeley.edu) The bible speaks on forgiveness. Dr Carolyn Leaf is also an amazing author on this topic. Google it – there is loads of information. We do not need to be naïve or stay where we are, we can move through and forward together, you are not alone.
Forgiveness releases the anger and bitterness inside us that affects us physically, it frees you to move through the pain and into healing, so that the emotional pain no longer defines who you are and the decisions you make. Recognising the negative feelings and looking into the future enables you to perceive new events through a different lens. Freedom not only comes from forgiving someone, but forgiving and confessing your unforgiveness of others, the bible says is 1John1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
I want to pray for you now, I like to declare over you, hope and life. An increase in ability to see life through the eyes of forgiveness. To be renewed to be the person you are built to be, shining your gifts and talents to a world that needs you. You are worthy to be heard and seen, in a world without light, you shine brightest when hope encircles your heart. Shine you are loved. Seek those who can point you to Jesus, He alone is your rescuer in times of trouble Psalm 121. Please forgive me, it has taken me too long to share Jesus with you.
Psalm 121 1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? 2 My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. 3 He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber; 4 indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. 5 The Lord watches over you—the Lord is your shade at your right hand; 6 the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. 7 The Lord will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; 8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.
Be strong and courageous
We are "Built 2 Shine" together
Suzie